p>Dear friends and family,

Last year I wrote a letter that I never sent, and this year a whole lot of stuff has happened. A year ago last January, Nick got pregnant. He still had all of his original issued equipment, and he had always always wanted a baby, and he decided he was running out of time.

So, he carefully chose a sperm donor and got pregnant. I was very worried about this on many counts, but he was not at all willing to think about giving up the baby, and there’s nothing I could have done. So I supported him as best I could, and in October he delivered a beautiful baby girl and named her Jamie Lyn.

There were so many issues. He very quickly became unable to lift her much because of his physical issues, which, of course, are now worse. There’s nothing like taking your already-slack ligaments and giving them a good dose of pregnancy hormones. I did the usual grandma thing of moving in got a few weeks to help him find his feet. He couldn’t breast feed, so I drove all over the Metro for donor milk. He had chosen strollers and car seats of the very best, but he could not lift both the baby and the equipment.

Jamie is perfectly darling. We have both enjoyed her very much.

And yet, Nick being Nick, we were waiting for the other shoe to drop. It happened in June. Tensions rose when he and the baby came to stay with us while we were treating his apartment for bugs. Overnight was fine. And the next night. But then there was another night, and another, and he kept finding reasons why he might as well sleep here. It became obvious that he wanted to stay here.

So, one afternoon when he was out, Glenn and I took the baby back to his apartment and told him to meet us there. He was very unhappy with this. When he got back, I made to go, and then realized I had left my phone. I went back for it and he laid hands on me–he had never done this.

When I told our parish priest what had happened she said we need to report it to CPS, so we did. Of course Nick was furious.

Now, we had been fighting and making up for years, but I had a good hard think about the whole situation. We had fought in front of the baby.

Our usual pattern was to wait until Nick needed something; he would reach out and patch things up. If we kept going with that pattern, we would make up again, go along ok for a while, and then fight again. In front of the baby. We couldn’t do that. I couldn’t do that.

My only option was to cut the connection. Fortunately, several responsible people had befriended Nick, and they told me they would make sure Jamie was ok. It’s been six months.

We miss Nick, and we certainly miss the baby, but I can’t help be glad and relieved not to be taking care of him any more. He’s gotten a PCA, and his friends tell me he’s still doing well. I, now, feel like I’m permanently on vacation, and so does Glenn. We had been taking care of offspring for 38 years, and we are finally empty nesters.

So that’s the big long story. In other news, a year ago last spring we found a group home for James. He had been a great housemate, and we were sad when he moved out, but of course it was essential to get him settled somewhere while we were still competent. That’s all going very well, and of course, we see him at least once a week when we take the boys out to dinner. Tom continues as ever in his group home.

I spent the summer working hard on my garden, and it’s starting, a little bit, to come back into shape.

Glenn here. I am finishing my fourth and final year as Treasurer of St. Clement’s Episcopal Church in St. Paul. The work has been occasionally tedious, but always feels worthwhile. The clergy and lay leaders have always been a joy to work with. The bylaws of the parish require that I step down now, and I do so happily.

I continue to study the Irish language. Sadly our group leader passed away from cancer this past fall. However, we continue to meet every month by Zoom. I really do not have much talent for languages, but I find them fascinating.

So. The horrors persist, but so do we. Merry Christmas, and may the good Lord send us a better New Year.

Mia and Glenn